My biggest fear today is not that the world ‘self’ will be spelled ‘slef’. It’s ugly and it doesn’t feel right; is not that Sour Patch Kids will grow up to be adults and not sour;  not that I will be fired because I am too awesome for everyone around me. My biggest fear is not that heartburn will actually set my heart on fire and I will have to walk around for the rest of my whole life with a charred cave deep in the center of me. I am afraid that I will say “deep in the center of me” and confuse my self with thinking I’m important. Headaches mean you should be dead or asleep and right now I am neither.

My dad believes in “weathernoia,” an irrational fear that the weather is personally attacking you. I guess I believe in “noianoia,” the irrational fear that irrational fears are attacking each other.